I will celebrate this state
A state of deep vulnerability
The turbulence and swings
The troughs and heights
Now, the suffering of a beaten confidence.
But free to create a path from here
That’s worth celebrating
Having a conversation with myself
A moment to think and commiserate over what is and was.
It’s all encompassing
A defeat and honor lost
Tail tucked, a dog forlorn, fading to a corner.
This lonely love dog
That wants only to be with life in its unachievable state
Thorns bite the hand that tries holding on
It bleeds a thin stream
Of what’s left of pride, romance and optimism.
A crisis of ego
The balloon burst
Relying on belief for possibility
Be assertive they say
Though I’m in a quagmire of self doubt.
Who steers this plane I’m on
It drifts in it’s own stratosphere
Reality 30,000 feet below
Pressurized and insulated
Isolated, the view is not pretty.
The illusion of success and happiness
Or the illusion of it being an illusion
A chicken shitting eggs
I’m hungry for my lover’s omelet
As we lie naked and covered.
Not trusting myself
How to trust others
I do it to myself
It’s a depraved cycle of self mutilation
Leaving meaningless in its wake.
Bag slung over my shoulder
I seek a better place under the moon
Where the drinks are strong and faces tame the loneliness
I’ll play in conversation with girls and ladies
that remind me of who I was.
For every loss I’ll sink into a distraught state of ambiguity
This has been proven
Will I escape or persevere
Will I tend to this dying flower
Or fell it with a slingshot.
I’ll disembark from this leg
Get two feet on the ground
My guitar, books and shirt on my back
And continue to find questions and answers
And one day I’ll die.
But I’ll celebrate
I’ll be inspired by the questions
And make love to the answers
Do my best with ambiguity
And just be here for now.