From FLL To MSY: A Celebration Of State

I will celebrate this state

A state of deep vulnerability

The turbulence and swings

The troughs and heights

Now, the suffering of a beaten confidence.

 

A through

But free to create a path from here

That’s worth celebrating

Having a conversation with myself

A moment to think and commiserate over what is and was.

 

It’s all encompassing

Gut wrenching

Sinking feeling

A defeat and honor lost

Tail tucked, a dog forlorn, fading to a corner.

 

This lonely love dog

That wants only to be with life in its unachievable state

Thorns bite the hand that tries holding on

It bleeds a thin stream

Of what’s left of pride, romance and optimism.

 

A crisis of ego

The balloon burst

Relying on belief for possibility

Be assertive they say

Though I’m in a quagmire of self doubt.

 

Who steers this plane I’m on

It drifts in it’s own stratosphere

Reality 30,000 feet below

Pressurized and insulated

Isolated, the view is not pretty.

 

The illusion of success and happiness

Or the illusion of it being an illusion

A chicken shitting eggs

I’m hungry for my lover’s omelet

As we lie naked and covered.

 

Not trusting myself

How to trust others

I do it to myself

It’s a depraved cycle of self mutilation

Leaving meaningless in its wake.

 

Bag slung over my shoulder

I seek a better place under the moon

Where the drinks are strong and faces tame the loneliness

I’ll play in conversation with girls and ladies

that remind me of who I was.

 

For every loss I’ll sink into a distraught state of ambiguity

This has been proven

Will I escape or persevere

Will I tend to this dying flower

Or fell it with a slingshot.

 

I’ll disembark from this leg

Get two feet on the ground

My guitar, books and shirt on my back

And continue to find questions and answers

And one day I’ll die.

 

But I’ll celebrate

I’ll be inspired by the questions

And make love to the answers

Do my best with ambiguity

And just be here for now.